I’m trying

Trying

To smile

To make it work

To Ignore the pain

Avoid the hurt

Trying

To laugh

And imagine

A perfect world

My perfect life

Trying

To give my all

Trying

Not to lose

But can you tell if you lost?

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Mood Music: Jealous by Labrinth and Beyonce

Two songs with the same title by two different artists, producing two different feelings. Saying the same thing, I’m jealous.

So let me tell you about the songs Jealous, one song is by Beyonce and the other is by Labrinth, and how these songs can help when you are in your feelings.

Jealous by Labrinth has more of a slow feeling that helps address how much you miss that certain person. When he is singing it feels as if he is speaking to you. Opening up and sharing his heart throughout the song. The sadness in his voice can explain how you are feeling. When I am listening to Labrinth’s song I am usually in my feelings a lot more. When the week has been rough and you are upset because they aren’t here.

Through the song he reflects on how he misses someone and is envious of her life without him. He is jealous.

It’s hard for me to say, I’m jealous of the way you’re happy without me”. When I first heard that line I knew this song was going to be a favorite of mine. This song sums up all of my feelings when I think about him and how he isn’t here. Getting jealous when you see that you are not apart of things they are doing. Life seems perfect and you aren’t there. You wonder if you are missed at all. Then you start to stress, complain, and overthink. When all you want is to be making memories together.

Labrinth’s song is the type that you send to your person when you aren’t able express how you feel. He puts it all out there, everything that you want to say. He is saying it. And if they are listening it should resonate with them. Hopefully starting to understand.

“I’m jealous of the nights, That I don’t spend with you”.

While Labrinth has the softer song that shows vulnerability Jealous by Beyonce will give you the complete opposite with her jealousy. She doesn’t plan on sitting and sulking in her feelings. She intends to do the same things that he is doing without her. Hoping to make him jealous.

“Sometimes I want to walk in your shoes. Do the types of things that I never ever do”. Have you ever heard someone say they are going to treat you like you are treating them? Which never truly works how you expect it to. You just want them to understand how and why you feel the way you do. So you attempt to “show them better than you can tell them“.  Because you will not know how I feel until you are in this situation.

So I am going to act like you do. “Freakum dress out my closet. Yonce’ filling out this skirt,” deciding I am not going to stay home feeling sad, “Tonight I’m staying out until tomorrow. Dancing on tables I got no cares, no sorrow“.

Trying to be put your middle finger up to the world and your feelings. For once you want to be out of your mind, and you do not want to think about him. Although you always do.

Ultimately knowing you don’t want to go out. Just trying to prove a point. You just want to feel as if you are missed.

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Hoping they notice.

The end of the songs she breaks it down that she knows she is being hateful. Possibly overacting. That all of it is nothing.

“I’m just jealous. I’m just human”.

Beyonce’s version is a favorite due to her taking it a “step further” and trying to take her mind off him. Granted she is being somewhat vengeful, but she needs to. Needing to get your mind off of whatever it is. This song gives you the “I can still be a bad bitch feeling”. It gives that motivation you need to push yourself to get out of this “bad week” mood. Try to live your life like they are living theirs.

Two songs I can appreciate for two different reasons. Beyonce’s song is one that is used to help you get out your funk. To help give you that sense of self again.  Labrinth’s is that song you just need to listen to when you are down. When you are tired of trying to explain your feelings. Trying to explain why you are acting the way you are this week. Using Labrinth to speak for you. Both are different, but the same.

Saying I miss you.

Saying I’m jealous..

Cheated, but not defeated

Have you ever wanted to ask your partner if they are creeping while you are sleeping? Do you know what you are going to do after hearing a potentially gut-punching answer?

Let me tell you about this clip from the Braxton Family Values (BFV). These ladies will tell you why you shouldn’t ask.

On an episode of BFV, the ladies discussed  infidelity in relationships and Toni delivered a message that will sink in and make you think.

She said, Never ask your man about another woman. Because if you are not going to do something about it you will become the other woman’.  Tamar asks how do you become the other woman and Toni adds, You ask about the other woman and don’t do anything he doesn’t respect you anymore because you are accepting it. So don’t ask unless you have an action behind it“. 

I agree with Toni, but I do not agree with accepting cheating. Toni could be thinking out of sight out of mind, but when it boils down that is still accepting it. I would like to think that if the person you are dealing with is stepping out in the relationship that things should be over. That isn’t always the case,though; sometimes we still stay.

After watching the clip a few questions came to mind regarding their conversation:

  1. Should you ask a question that you don’t want the answer to?
  2. Why do we stay? Are we dumb for staying?
  3. Can you ever trust or move on from infidelity?

Should you ask a question that you don’t want the answer to?

A question will lead you to an answer. I agree with Toni when she says do not ask unless you are prepared to do something. When you are asking a question like that you must already be prepared for the answer you ultimately don’t want. You are asking because you have a sense that something is going on already. So what do you have planned?

There is a saying that goes, “If you go looking, you will find it“. If you snoop in your partners things you will find something. The same goes with asking a question you might not want the answer to. I found this out the hard way in a previous relationship and got my feelings hurt each time. Now that I am older, I see how that should have been my sign to end things. You are only making yourself unhappy, especially if you decide to stay each time.

Why do we stay?

You find out he cheated and you still stay with him. Now you have to come up with a reason to explain to everyone why you are staying. Do not give them an answer. You are still there because you are in love, and you want to try and make things work. This is your relationship and you are in it until the wheels fall off.  Some people make the mistake of  letting people know to many details of their relationship, and start making decisions based on other’s opinion. Those same friends will offer you advice of how they would leave his ass, so you can be single with them trying to prove that they are happy being single. Girl bye. You do not owe anyone an explanation and you do not need their advice on the matter.

We associate weakness with continuing a relationship with someone who has stepped out in the relationship. Why? What is wrong with trying to make things work and get back to those happy moments? That is why you are staying, and there is nothing wrong about that. When you are truly tired and feel you’ve had enough, that is when you will leave.

Ask yourself, “Am I happy? Does he make me happy?”

Sometimes your partner needs to see how life will be without you to truly see how much they care for you. Realizing that with them it was just sex, and you two connect on things more than physical. Something he only has with you.

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Can you ever trust again or move on from this?

Trying to rebuild trust and move forward is the hardest part with continuing your relationship. This becomes the biggest challenge because you will never forget that moment when your heart felt like it was stomped on. The smallest thing can serve as a trigger to take you back to that moment. This is what will create doubt, and for you to question everything. It will eat away at you, because you love him more than he can even imagine. And he still hurt you.

Here is where we mess up the most: due to doubting them, you nag and are always questioning them. How do you move forward if you are continuing to bring up the past you want to forget? (Okay, now that was deep). You have to realize that as you continue to bring up the past you are pushing them away. Try to stop telling him each time you have this feeling and  find a way to take your mind off of it. You do not know how he may have changed.  Maybe he realized that you are not worth losing and he is trying. The constant doubt gives the impression he will never be able to prove himself to you, and you are now hurting him. Now no one is winning. Rebuilding the trust will take some time, so you have to decide if it is worth it.

You have to love them as much as you can today.

Love is a gamble. We just have to hope our hand is a good one.