Friend or foe? Stay or go?

Have you ever asked yourself why you are friends with someone? Ever wonder what it is about this person that you want to keep around and not just drop?

I have asked myself that several times about a few of my friends. So Let Me Tell You why you keep dealing with these individuals, so you can stop asking yourself those questions.

I struggle with letting go of certain people and ending friendships.  Many times, I have asked myself why, and even stopped talking to said individuals only to find myself to repeating the cycle.

It is draining.

Reliving memorable moments that you have shared with this person could be a reason you struggle with letting go. Reflecting on moments of partying, thotting, and having fun together. Remembering that time when they had your back in a difficult situation. You revisit those memories and you want to create more with that individual, because actual good friends are hard to find.

As we get older we realize that making new friends is not easy. You have formed strong bonds with people who already understand you. These are usually the friends that you do not see as much.  There is that coworker that you befriend, but you only go out to happy hour together. That friendship mainly stays in the workplace, however. When you realize that you can count the number of friends you have with one hand, cutting one off means your small list becomes smaller, so you put up with the friend you want to drop.

If you decide that you will keep this “friend” around, but want to change how the relationship functions to discontinue the cycle, here are two options to prevent you from repeating the cycle in your relationships.

One way is to take some time and separate yourself from that person. Giving them time to focus on themselves is what I call it. Keep conversation to a minimum.  This worked for me because I do not allow things with this person to upset me anymore. You are simply not phased by their ill behavior anymore. In a way you stopped caring.

The other way you can keep this person around is by considering them a good time girl. A good time girl is just that to you, a good time.  This is the friend that you just party and get your life with. You no longer share secrets with them, and your personal business is never discussed. This is typically that friend who tried to use personal information against you. You might consider referring to this friend as an associate. An associate is someone who you are getting to know. You typically refer to someone as an associate in the beginning of a friendship, but we are applying it here to rebuild a friendship.  In the future, you may grow into more with them, but for now you just focus on the turn up.

A good friend is hard to find, but a friend with bad intentions shouldn’t be kept around.

So is this person a friend or foe?

Mood Music: ‘Fall For You’ Leela James

Just when you think that you have built up walls to not cry over Jasmine Sullivan, Adele, and good ole Mary J. Blige you find another song to tug at your emotions and throw you back in your feelings.

Let me tell you about the song ‘Fall For You by Leela James, and how this song helped me take residence in my feelings.

The beauty of her voice when she sings the lyrics captures you, and puts you into a trance. And when you realize you are in the same situation she is singing about you are pulled in deeper. You realize that you are falling yourself and start smile with uncertainty.

In the song she asks, “Would you catch me if I fall for you?” A simple question, but a damn hard one to ask.  From my own experience I hate liking someone, and when I do I am just worried and I need to know how the other person feels also. And that is what she is saying. I am falling for you, and I need to know if you feel the same way. Because no one wants to be in love alone.

I stumbled across this song while listening to Major’s ‘Why I Love You‘ which already had me in my feelings, and then I heard this. That night was just a recipe for snuggling up next to a bottle of Kroger wine and tears slowly streaming down my face.

Image result for crying while drinking wine gif

One part of the song she says “But this thing is new baby. Feels like I’m losing control.” When I heard that part I knew this song was for me to hear. You might know that feeling when you can get so emotional and realize you are not as guarded as you thought. You haven’t felt this way in a long time. You start realize you are in deeper than you than you thought. Falling.

Trust me when I tell you that this is a song that you will want to hear. We all have that In  My Feelings playlist, so get ready to add this song to the list next Mary J’s ‘I’m Going Down’.  So be cautious when you are listening because these words may hit close to home. And you might find yourself like me snuggled up with some Merlot.

 

Check it out below.

It’s not you, it’s me

The famous break up line “It’s not you, it’s me”, has been heard in movies, tv shows, and real life situations. It usually means someone is taking blame for a breakup. In my case I am not quoting this phrase due to a break up, just my life for at this point.

Have you ever noticed yourself being frustrated a lot more than normal? Or are you starting to pick fights with family members for the smallest things?  Everyone else is the problem? Then take it from me, this is for you and you might be the problem.

I am 25 years old with a B.A. in Communication and minor in journalism from THE Coastal Carolina University, and I stay with my mother. So this is my personal testimony on this topic.

A little backstory:  I decided to move home March of 2015 after graduating in August of 2014.  I thought  moving home seemed like the smartest way to save money, and not be tied to a lease. if I was to land a job somewhere else.  So I would worked to save my pennies and keep applying for jobs within the journalism field. To my surprise finding a job within the news field is extremely difficult, and everyone wants two to five years of experience from college students.   I did however develop have a nice savings account backing me until rainy days and other stressful situations came. I did land a job at a news station, and worked as a master control operator for six months. It was a temp to hire position, that I my six months did not compete well against someone with ten years. But I still got the professional experience, so I am grateful.

It is now half way into 2017 and I am still staying home and I noticed a change in my behavior. I am annoyed.  For sometime I thought it was everyone else who was the problem? Because how could I be a problem for any one?  Until one day it hit me that I was the problem. Being mad with everyone else because I am truly upset with myself.

Do not take mistake my annoyance of staying at home with being ungrateful or unappreciative, because moving back to home was the smart thing to do. It just isn’t something that was meant for me to do as long.

My space is not my space, the rules are not my rules, and the comfort is going. Which in itself can be that fire that puts you to action and start moving forward. Moving myself back on the path that I once visioned.

This butterfly wants to fly. I just haven’t used my wings in a while.

It is me because I am the only person preventing myself from finding greener pastures.  And being content with content is not how I ever thought I would live my life.

To quote my favorite line from the movie Set It Off, “It ain’t you that I’m mad at“.